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For Kirsten

11/2/2015

15 Comments

 
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​It was supposed to be a quiet Sunday evening-dinner, some TV and early to bed with a book. Around 5PM, my son Jay called to tell us about a cryptic posting on Facebook from his best friend Drew: he was calling for prayers for his older sister Kirsten who was in the emergency room at Mercy Anderson.

Kate and I rushed to the hospital.  We were ushered into tiny waiting room where we were introduced to family members who would become our friends over the next three hours. I noted that a hospital chaplain was in attendance; not a good sign.  Down the hall, Drew's mom, our dear friend Terry, sat vigil at her daughter's bedside. Terry, a nurse at Mercy herself, watched as her friends and colleagues tried valiantly to revive Kirsten who swallowed a combination of OTC drugs in an effort to take her own life. At about 9PM, the ER team lost their battle. Terry lost her daughter; Drew and his younger brother Alex, their older sister.

We've known the Smithsons for more than 15 years.  We were neighbors in the Anderson Township suburb outside of Cincinnati.  Jay and Drew, a year apart in age, became fast friends and the three of us spent countless hours in our pool, playing whiffle ball and watching movies in my man cave.  Drew still refers to Kate and I as his second parents. 

Last year, the family endured a painful divorce.  As it turned out, Kate and I were looking to sell our condo and move to the city.  And Terry was looking for a new home and a fresh start.  I found it beautiful symmetry that this family, who we considered to be part of our own family, would move into the home we had come to love.  

We didn't know Kirsten very well.  She was quiet, very shy, a bookworm some might say. She preferred reading or playing on her computer to just about anything else.  But she loved our swimming pool-loved to bring her friends and hang out with her extended family.  She blossomed into a beautiful young woman and attended Northern Kentucky University.  The last time I saw Kirsten was on the day last summer when her family moved into our condo.  She was excited and seemed happy to be starting a new life.

There is nothing one can say to a mother who has lost a child in this manner. Nothing makes sense of a tragedy this immense. And words cannot possibly assuage her unbearable suffering. So, you simply hold her, absorb some of her grief, provide some level of comfort, if only for a moment. 

I"m glad my final image of Kirsten, of this beautiful, engaging young woman, is a happy one-from a moment when her world seemed alive with possibility and hope. With that, I would like to share something from one of my favorite writers, Annie Lammot, who wrote so poetically about love and loss:

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 
― Anne Lamott

15 Comments
Elizabeth Charron
11/2/2015 07:09:14 am

My heart is with every family member and every friend during this time....

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Tammy Smithson
11/2/2015 08:02:05 am

Thank you so much Doug for those beautifully written words. Also for You & Kate being there for our entire family! Your comfort last night was greatly appreciated. We will cherish Kirsten in our hearts & thoughts forever. Thanks Again-Tammy.

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Jeff Yuhos
11/2/2015 08:06:21 am

Thank you so much for expressing so elegantly the whirlwind of feelings, expressions and emotions that myself, and so many others, are feeling and can understand.

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John Frey
11/2/2015 08:19:07 am

My thoughts and prayers are with the Smithson family. You have my deepest sympathy. I am so sorry for you tremendous loss.

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Lisa C Hedrick
11/2/2015 08:23:05 am

Kirsten was a wonderful young lady. Sweet, smart and beautiful. She was a member of Turpin's Academic Quiz Team and I was the "team mom" I had the pleasure of getting to know these super intelligent kids. I saw Kirsten at Olive Garden a few weeks ago and we talked about Drew (who was always hanging out at the AQT matches- love his energy) and her mom ( I too am a nurse and once worked with Terri). She told me she loved NKU and her classes were going well. Kirsten was a sweetheart.
My heart is broken for Terri, Drew and the rest of Kirsten's family. Prayers and my deepest sympathy to all.

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Lisa
11/2/2015 11:00:44 am

I did not know Kirsten or her loving friends and family, but I do know the pain of a broken heart when someone you love leaves you this way. They do live on through us and we never "move on".Just keep moving forward with nothing but love and forgiveness. Try to understand that it was a temporary bad decision based on something we will never understand the "what ifs or whys" will never seem to stop coming, but please find comfort in knowing you are not alone and that your love for her and the outpouring of love from those who knew her will bring you comfort.The shared stories of her love and beauty will bring you peace. Thinking of you with a broken heart, praying for your pain to be replaced with her goodness.

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Kathryn Bennett
11/2/2015 12:20:28 pm

I went to High School with Kirsten and we shared two grueling years in Color Guard together. She was one of those people who you would look at and you could not help but to smile back at her. She was energetic and always ready for the next repetition even when they said this is the last one twenty reps ago. While she was energetic she was also soft spoken, but you listened when she did speak. I cannot even begin to put words to what I am feeling they just don't seem right and I'm not very good with them for Kirsten though I will give my all.. I am so sorry that she's gone, Terri, Drew, Alex please know that you have what ever prayers I can offer you.

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Lori Stuckey
11/2/2015 02:14:39 pm

Kirsten went to school with my daughter Leah. I remember her in elementary school as a sweet, kind, smart and pretty girl. My deepest sympathy and prayers to her family and friends for the terrible loss of their precious daughter, sister and friend.

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Edie Zimmerman
11/2/2015 05:18:24 pm

I am so deeply sorry. Though I did not really know Kirsten, she was a Wilson Wildcat and Turpin Spartan. I know that she touched many lives and for some reason life was not going her way for that moment. My heart and prayers go out to the Smithson family. Again, I am so sorry for your terrible loss.

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Tim Burns
11/2/2015 07:46:45 pm

Such tragic news, Kristen was a wonderful girl and a terrific student. My memories of her are all bright and cheerful. Prayers and heart-felt condolences to her family and to all who loved her.

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Sharon
11/2/2015 09:05:11 pm

So tremendously sorry for your loss. Being a survivor of a mom who committed suicide I know of the hole they speak about. It never does heal but.it has become less of a weight with JESUS in my life. GOD BLESS your entire family and hold each one of you in the palm of his hand.

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Jennifer Smithson Moran
11/3/2015 02:58:36 am

Thank you Doug for sharing that wonderful story and being there for our family. Terri and the kids are very blessed to have such wonderful friends and family to lean on. Thanks again!

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Richard Fox
11/3/2015 06:18:27 am

I was one of Kirsten's computer science teachers here at NKU. She was so dedicated and involved in our department and college. I worked with her several times at recruiting efforts. Although she may have been shy and soft spoken, she never hesitated to speak up about her positive experiences at NKU in attempts to recruit high school kids not only to NKU but to our college and department. Her list of activities in our department and college was long. She was respected by the faculty and advisors and was well-liked by her fellow students. This is a tragedy that I just can't fathom. She held so much promise. My heart goes out to her family and friends. Please know that she really made a very positive impression on us at NKU and we will miss her deeply.

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Eddie Collins
11/3/2015 01:35:12 pm

I'm so sorry hear this sad news. My heart and prayers go out to Teri and Tim and Drew and Alex and all her family and friends. A beautiful young lady that will be missed so much. May God Bless u all with strength and courage to carry on. May Peace be with you.

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bob
11/9/2015 03:22:04 pm

I am sorry for your loss. I encourage all to consider that a death such as this is normally the result of a disease - a mental illness - that needs to be treated carefully and professionally as a medical ailment so as to reduce this type of death. Too often, various mental illnesses are not appropriately identified, diagnosed, or treated for a myriad of reasons that I shall not go into right now because of the immense grief the family is undergoing.

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    Hi, I'm Doug.  I'm a writer who, over the coming months, will be traveling more than 10,000 miles on a Greyhound Bus. My goal: discover something about America and, in the process, a little bit about myself.

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